i think too much, way too much.
i just deleted this whole chunk of crap i wrote in the morning.
i realised that i'm really lucky to have such a great family, great friends, and great batchmates.
maybe even great seniors.

i quote from my mum:
'Stress is something you give yourself.
No one gives anyone stress.
Don't blame anyone for giving you stress.
Blame yourself.'

it's quite true in a way.
like, if you don't want to get good results, why would you even bother listening in class and stressing yourself to get perfect scores for all the exams?
if you don't want to disappoint the seniors, why would you even bother 'mugging for auds (according to vivian)' and getting so uptight over auds?

stress is supposed to help you to progress.
but too much stress will do the opposite.

yes, i know.
auds - an audition.
what are auditions for?
to scare the wits out of you?
no.
they're supposed to make you realise where you're standing.
whether you suck or you're just okay.
whether you're supposed to buck up, or you have alot of space for improvement.

it's not the time when you chicken out.
it's not the time when you start crying if the results are bad.
it's not the time to give up.

no matter how many times i've been telling myself this.
i just can't react the same way.

stress.
it's commanding me to be perfect during auds.

but vivian knows,
keiko knows,
anyone sane knows that nobody can be perfect.
expecially during auds.

i should take life a step at a time.
really.

stop thinking about the future.
even though it's really near.

if you can't even solve the freaking problem you're having now,
do you even have the rights to think about what's gonna happen next?

sigh.
after rambling out my thoughts,
i guess,
i'm still back at square one.

i should really be strong.
like everyone else.

even though i know,
i can never be like everyone else.

















gah.
wth.
be strong!
CA1, SAs, AUDS, rehearsals, performance.

it'll be okay, really.