Before I forget... I shall post.

I don't understand why I do so much for others when I really just want to be selfish.
I don't know what's holding me back.
Perhaps my strong belief that my purpose in life is to bring joy to others and by doing what I did, I'm actually doing that?
So I just completely ignore my own feelings for the sake of others.

Haha, sounds so freaking superficial and not what greedy humans do.
But I myself am puzzled at why I feel this way.
The desire to make others happy, even at the expense of my own happiness.

Am I like a sadist or something?
I'm happy that I'm sad???
But that's ironic.
I'm sure no one in this world, being the selfish humans we all are, would want to do things that'll make themselves upset.
Then why am I doing all this?
Do I not care about myself?
You know what, I think that's the case.
I care about others more than myself.

But isn't it better for others to be happier?
If it's just one person (me) who is sad, it should be fine right.

Yknow how I believe everyone has this dark and sad secret.
I think mine is being too cruel to myself.

I'm so retarded.
It's really tiring to cry everyday.
Why doesn't anyone understand that?
Why does no one stops me from doing these things?
Why does no one do anything about me letting myself get hurt?
Is there anyone who truly cares about me?
Me and me only?
Sigh.
I guess that's kind of impossible.
I mean, most people don't only have one single friend they can confide in.
So obviously they'll care about other people as well.
Even if that person loves you as a soulmate or whatever, no one will ever care about one person only.
Take myself as an example.
I care about so many people.
Actually, I'm so unreasonable.
I care about so many other people myself, and I expect someone to just care about me.

I guess I just can't accept the fact that there is someone else who will get as much care and attention as me.

I really wish life can be simpler.

On another note, I should start treating myself better.
Which will be hard.
Which shouldn't be the case...


I dedicate this song to myself: