#28 - Letting go (1)

You know what hurts the most, honestly? Ironically, it's not the fact that I sometimes get abandoned; not the fact that I'm no longer friends with someone I used to trust so much; not the fact that I am misunderstood at times. All these things seem so trivial when I think about what some of my friends go through.

I hurt so much when I know I can't take their pain away.
I hurt so much because I know there's nothing I can do.
I hurt so much because I don't understand why these things happen to kind people.

What's the use of being able to empathize with them if it's still them feeling the hurt?

I guess maybe sometimes I focus on the wrong things. The only thing I can do is probably to always be there to listen whenever the time arises and be bubbly and cheer them up. And I guess that is enough.

So keep going and staying happy so that you can make others happy too, Celine! :)

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I've been thinking about this quite a bit...

How is it like to let go?

I just realised that I should know the answer to this question. After all, I've let go of so many things in my life before. Letting go of my pre-loved toys, letting go of bad habits, letting go of my late grandparents, letting go of primary school memories, letting go of past friendships... but I don't. 

Every experience seems to have felt differently. It was remarkably easy to let go of my memories... well, simply because I honestly didn't even have to do anything. Time did the trick, together with my lack of capacity to store information in my head (it's true).

Toys? Initially it kinda hurt a little 'cos you think about all the little memories you've created with every single one of your toys and how you are throwing the physical reminder of these memories away. But people move on and love new things and soon these toys are forgotten... in the sense that I no longer feel much about having to let them go. But I do still think about them from time to time -- I just don't feel the strong urge to ever recover them.

Woah wait. I just realised again that hey, everything has got to do with memories.

Now I get it. To completely let go of something, you have to get the memories out of your head. And how important those memories are to you, determines how easy (or hard) it is to let go of something, someone, or an event.

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I've actually experienced having to let go of something really important to me before. I'm really, really, really so thankful I didn't have to eventually let go though. I mean, actually it was expected and kind of forced it upon me to let go... but I wasn't strong enough to face it and I cheated. Sometimes I wonder, what if I had followed through? Would we still really love each other after at least 2 years? Wouldn't it be hard to stay friends when we were obviously in love with each other? But I guess these questions are irrelevant because the fact now is that I didn't have to give up and truthfully, I'm really so happy now because I've learnt how to balance all my relationships and I've become closer to my family :)))

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Oh bleah I typed this out this morning at 3+ and I've lost all motivation to continue on this post. So I'll end here for now.